For some reason, I can't even get excited at the prospect of future holidays. I've been forced to live in the present and it reminds me of being a teenager again, trying to amuse myself while waiting to go to college. I read, I write, I look out the window and think lol. It's kind of great in a way, although very much an adjustment from my usual 'ooh new restaurant let's go check it out!' I wonder if we'll be changed by this experience or if we'll just go back to where we were at the end of it all.
This period of captivity definitely feels like a return to an earlier, more primal self. I look back on the past 15 years and feel slightly sad about how it was spent: conspicuous consumption, capitalist participation, empty ambition. I want to hold on to this feeling and I want to change.
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